Great Expectations

Believe it or not, I'm actually somewhat terrified of my wedding day. Not of actually getting married, or being married, but of how my emotions may toy with me.

Growing up, I looked forward to my birthday for 364 days of the year. Then it came, and went. And it NEVER was what I expected it to be. I'm not even sure exactly if I had specific expectations, but reflecting on it, I believed (and still do somewhat) that it is a day that was ALL MINE, where everyone would obviously notice how great I am, tell me so, buy me lots of gifts, want to spend every minute with me, and drop everything they were doing.

Now take a wedding. It's like a birthday party that I have been planning for many years. How on earth is my poor lil' heart going to take it? I don't know. I can only pray that I enjoy the day as much as people tell me to. "It only happens once" - yes, but there is so much pressure when I'm told to just relax and enjoy it. To me, it's like the dentist telling me to relax as she sticks a 6 inch needle into my mouth.

I know people mean well, and I appreciate that. If only I could clone myself, and then just watch myself enjoy the day, without having to deal with my own emotions.

Though I think if I get a good cry out early on, I should be just fine. At least I hope so!